Raxnor Zaxvex and the Very Long Story Title
by CoopertinoEffect
Summary: Raxnor Zaxvex, the obvious greatest Homestuck OC in the world, goes on a grand adventure. (A crackfic I wrote while very sleep-deprived that my friend asked me to upload somewhere.)


**Raxnor Zaxvex, The Guy Who Came and Wrecked Everybody's Shit by Being a Straight-up Badass and The Best Troll in All Universes Ever Forever and All Time Ever because He Kicks Butt and Doesn't Afraid of Anything**

It was an ordinary day at Generic Human High School, except all of the female students were failing class because they were staring lovingly at the mysterious new transfer student, Raxnor Zaxvex. Raxnor Zaxvex had only been at the school for 6 days and already he had accumulated feelings in all quadrants from every student simultaneously, as was normal for someone of Raxnor Zaxvex's good looks. Raxnor Zaxvex was a tall, handsome and super attractive boy with short black hair. Raxnor Zaxvex had one blue eye, one red eye and one white eye, both hidden behind a cool pair of sunglasses that made Dirk's pointy anime glasses look like a dork in comparison.  
At lunch, Raxnor Zaxvex approached Vriska and Nepeta who were struck silent by Raxnor Zaxvex's amazingness.  
"H-h8y R8xnor." murmured the extremely embarrassed Vriska as she awkwardly took a sip from her glass of apple juice, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red.  
":00 Hi!" Nepeta blurted before scolding herself in her head for saying something so stupid to Raxnor Zaxvex. You don't just say 'hi' on a whim to someone as amazing as Raxnor Zaxvex.  
Raxnor Zaxvex winked at the two sexy, sexy human schoolgirls in front of him and they both began to become extremely flustered by Raxnor Zaxvex's attractiveness. In her daze, Vriska spilt the milk she was drinking all over her uniform in a way that was blatant fan service worthy of a maid cafe in Akihabara, Tokyo.  
"Let me help you with that." Raxnor Zaxvex said, his delicious, buttery voice causing all of the girls and also John to swoon so hard they all fainted, causing 7 ovary-related casualties.  
John did not survive.  
Raxnor Zaxvex then began to make out with Vriska, his body heat drying up the spilt orange soda. Excusing themselves from the room, Raxnor Zaxvex took Nepeta and Vriska into his private quarters of the meteor and they had a threesome. Nepeta ran her hands across Raxnor Zaxvex's 6 long horns. They were so hot. It was ridiculous how hot his horns were. Before they met Raxnor Zaxvex, nobody would believe how hot a troll's horns could be. It was so hot it was bordering on stupid.  
After Raxnor Zaxvex got bored of having only 2 troll ladies in his bed he went outside and left the two lingerie-clad girls to themselves where they continued to passionately make out with each other.  
Meanwhile, Raxnor Zaxvex was outside staring mysteriously up at Skaia from The Land of Skateboards and Money, his long, white hair with single red streak blowing in the wind. Using his vision twelvefold Raxnor Zaxvex was able to spot Jack all the way on The Land of Swords and Explosions. Readying his Gunkind Sylladex, Raxnor Zaxvex equipped his sword and did a deliriously sick ollie outie into space.  
When Raxnor Zaxvex landed on The Land of Swords and Explosions, Jack wet his pants in fear but like a fool tried to face Raxnor Zaxvex in battle anyway. Grabbing a nearby chainsaw, Raxnor Zaxvex delivered a mighty blow to Jack's crotch with his hammer, breaking every bone in Jack's body.  
However, Jack managed to cut Raxnor Zaxvex with his chest-sword, revealing Raxnor Zaxvex's dark black blood. Kanaya quickly came to Raxnor Zaxvex's side and began to slowly lick his face in a sensual way to devour his delicious blood that was so high on the hemospectrum that his mere presence murdered Equius and caused severe third degree burns to Karkat.  
"You can't beat me!" Yelled Jack, vomiting large amounts of blood and irony. But then Raxnor Zaxvex revealed that he was secretly a God Tier Lord of Muses, the ultimate class designated to only Raxnor Zaxvex. Releasing his ultimate power, Raxnor Zaxvex flipped Jack the double-bird and Jack exploded and died.  
Raxnor Zaxvex was then transported to The Land of Bunny Costumes, Bikinis and Cute Girls as a reward. But in a shocking twist, the humble Raxnor Zaxvex gives the burden of LOBCBACG to Dave, who accepts with no bullshit despite being obviously inferior to Raxnor Zaxvex in every way.  
Having finally found true red feelings, Raxnor Zaxvex rode into the sunset with Aradia, Terezi, Vriska, Kanaya, Nepeta, Feferi, Jade, Rose, Jane, Roxy and an alternate version of John from a universe where everyone is a choice babe, all of them enjoying a sloppy make out session.  
They had the worlds greatest sloppy make out session which lasted 50 sweeps and ended only when paradox space in its entirety was destroyed by Raxnor Zaxvex's hotness.

The only one who survived was Raxnor Zaxvex.

The End :3


End file.
